Have I lost my edge, or am I just now realizing that I’m not as sharp as I had always thought I was? If it feels like I’m getting dumber, is it a sign that I’m gaining awareness? And if it is, then is that gained awareness even worth the perceived diminished intelligence? It doesn’t feel good. Actually, it’s getting damn near fucking unbearable. Methinks it not a worthy deal. The worst part is, my smart-ass days aren’t even over. I’m still a snide bastard; only difference is I can actually taste the bullshit spill from my mouth, an unending and uncleansing, but bitterly deserved purge, bestowed upon me by some unknown meta-punisher-thing probably deep within myself, and I’ll bet it’s having a good laugh sitting by the fire – oh, how it burns, and oh, how its heat feeds so many inflatable ghosts that fill up and leave through my ears when I sleep, cooking, alone in the dark with slits of light fragmented and juxtaposed against the walls and their oblong jutting forms, behind which ventilation shafts whisper safely, and the story cloud hovers, but the stories go nowhere.
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